Shin Makoku vs the Borg II: Armed and Dangerous
by zanganito
Summary: In space, no one can find your severed arm.
1. Divine Intervention

**Author****'****s ****Notes: **

As far as I can tell this monstrosity was caused by The Arms Race, watching too many B sci fi movies, and lariam.

x_x

This story was written as an entry for the Arms Race Fic-A-Thon! It's also a sequel to _Shin __Makoku __vs __the __Borg_, but you really don't have to read that one first to figure out what is going on.

Special thanks to the reviewers who requested a sequel!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kyo kara Maoh or Star Trek: The Next Generation.

**Warnings:** Gore, parody, mpreg.

* * *

><p><strong>Shin Makoku vs the Borg II: Armed and Dangerous<strong>

**oooo**

**SMvB II: Armed and Dangerous**

**ooo**

**SMvB II: A&D**

**oo**

**SMvB2**

**o**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1: Divine Intervention<strong>

* * *

><p>"Make her do it again!" Q said with a laugh.<p>

The shrine maiden was summoned. She bowed and knelt in front of the throne of the dead king. "Oh Shinou, great Original King, we the Shrine Maidens live for your every command. You have but to say the word to one of your loyal servants, and we will do our best to carry out your will."

"Oh, but it's so marvelous and grotesque how they grovel in your presence." Q said as he stepped forward and tugged at a strand of the maiden's short purple hair.

The young girl spun around, but Q had already changed his form into an exact replica of Shinou. "My Lord!" the girl gasped, then quickly recovered and averted her eyes respectfully.

"Go, and bring me some more wine from the castle cellar." Q commanded.

The girl bowed. "Any wish of the Great One is carried out as desired." the shrine maiden said as she ran quickly out of the throne room.

"Spectacular!" shouted Q

Then all the divine beings who had gathered for a party at Shinou's place had another round of intoxicating substances. Not that the toxins could really have any effect at all on energy beings and deceased kings, but they could always pretend that they did. And when it came down too it, intoxication was mostly in the mind anyway.

Suddenly the Flying Spaghetti Monster could not take the combination of pretending to be intoxicated while being over-stimulated any longer and careened out of the temple, traveling through space. And he came upon a sad ship of beings. Ones that moved him to his noodly core. For they were marked with the sacred eyepatch of pirates: the chosen ones of the FSM. That the eyepatch glowed in a strange fashion was no matter. For he could feel their pain: alone, weak, struggling to survive. He raised a noodly appendage, and blessed the creatures, renewing their strength, and adding more disciples to their ranks.

"Oh dear," smirked Q when he noticed what the FSM had done, "It looks like Shinou's loyal devotees are on the brink of annihilation. Too bad. It's really quite endearing how they hang on his every word."

Shinou blinked a few times as he tried to clear the fog out of his brain. "But is it really fair?"

"Fairness is over-rated." Q said with a sneer.

Shinou thought back, trying to remember something important "They won last time against the Borg." He managed to say at last.

"Against a crippled half-formed Borg cube. This time they'll be facing an entire armada. And the Borg never make the same mistake twice." Q laughed. "There's sure to be plenty of bloodshed. Think of the excitement!"

Shinou pouted. "That's not very nice to say after the Mazoku entertained you so much."

"You're far too sentimental. Besides, loyal devotees get pretty boring after a while. What's the fun in having a bunch of people who always do as you say?" Q asked.

Shinou ignored the question and instead asked one of his own "Couldn't you just disintegrate the Borg?"

"But that wouldn't be any fun." Q whined. "Besides I shouldn't have to clean up this mess if it's someone else's fault.

Shinou glared at Q.

Q sighed, and then literally brightened as he had an epiphany. "Of course! The one responsible should have to remedy the situation, it's only fair." Q rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "It will be quite amusing to watch Jean-Luc try and remedy this situation. Or think of his reaction if he were to fail!" Q laughed, and vanished from the temple in a flash of light.

o-o-o-o-o

Picard tossed and turned in his quarters.

"Having trouble sleeping, mon capitaine?"

Picard groaned and opened an eye. He nearly fell out of his bed when he realized how closely a certain annoying deity was looming over his face.

"They say there is no rest for those with a guilty conscience." Q mused dramatically.

"Then I suppose you are very lucky you are immortal and don't need to sleep!" retorted Picard.

"Touché." Q said with slightly suppressed glee.

Picard studied the being in front of him. Q lived for entertainment and amusement. He was almost childlike at times. Like a child with an ant farm, he would often move things around, just to watch the lower beings struggle. It might seem like harmless fun and games to some, but it was no fun being the ants.

"What do you want, Q?" Picard said coldly. "I'm not in the mood for your games."

"So serious." Q complained. "Honestly, Jean Luc, you should learn to lighten up once in a while. Or maybe pay your respects to me. Would it really hurt you to sing my praises once in a while?"

Picard scowled at Q.

"Oh that reminds me. Remember that Borg cube your young Wesley Crusher sent away to another dimension?" Q asked sweetly.

"I submitted the report about that incident to Starfleet Command." Picard replied evenly.

"Oh Picard! Since when do you play by the rules? You know as well as I do that those paper pushers aren't going to get anything done for at least a few years. And by then it will be too late." Q paused to dramatically wipe a tear from the corner of his eye. "An innocent, primitive civilization will be annihilated by the Borg. And it will be all your fault."

Picard continued to scowl at Q. "Since when do you care about innocent civilizations, Q?" he asked sternly.

"Oh Captain, you wound me with your callousness." Q said with mock indignation. "I'm only doing this out of the goodness of my heart."

"I highly doubt that." Picard said dismissively.

Q's smile faded and he leaned forward and said, "I'm serious, Jean Luc. The Borg cube you 'disappeared' is about to take over an alternate dimension. You need to do something about it."

Then Q snapped his fingers and vanished in a flash of light.

o-o-o-o-o

Picard entered the bridge in a foul mood after his encounter with Q.

Geordi was currently telling the computer to play the lyrics from _Oh __Lord __It__'__s __Hard __to __be __Humble _by Mac Davis.

"That doesn't describe me at all." Will Riker protested.

"Commander Riker, Lieutenant LaForge, please stop playing around." Snapped Picard. "We have some work to do."

And then Captain Picard relayed Q's bad news about the whereabouts of the missing Borg cube to the bridge crew.

They all agreed that it would be a shame to have a random primitive civilization from another dimension killed off by the Borg. Especially if it happened to be at least partially Wesley Crusher's fault.

***-*-*-* 2 days later… *-*-*-***

"Captain," Wesley said. "Data and I created a computer simulation to hypothesize where the Borg cube might have been sent to."

"Excellent work, Ensign Crusher, Mr. Data." Picard said.

"Geordi was able to analyze the different energy pulses that sent the Borg to another dimension." Data said. "If we are able to recreate the same sequence, we should be able to send the Enterprise to the same exact location that the Borg cube was sent to."

"Make it so." Picard commanded.

* * *

><p><strong>Up next: the Borg are back for revenge, and maybe something else!<strong>


	2. In Space

**Chapter 2: In Space, No One Can Find Your Severed Arm**

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><p>It was a beautifully sunny day outside. The only clouds in the sky were fluffy and light. Even the bad omen birds were strangely absent. It was the lazy type of summer day that made you feel like nothing bad in the world could ever happen, ever. It was the type of day that Yuuri wished he could spend outside playing baseball. He could almost feel the leather mitt on his hand and the warm sun on his back as he imagined the ball coming towards him to land with a satisfying <em>thunk<em> in the center of his glove. Yep, today was the perfect day for baseball, or at least a quick game of catch.

Except that he was stuck inside.

"Wimp! Pay attention!" Wolfram shouted. "What will people think if their king looks like he is daydreaming while signing important papers?"

Yuuri was having his portrait painted by Wolfram while signing paperwork with Gwendel. And Gunter was there too. Gunter had recovered wonderfully after his harrowing encounter with the Borg, and was now back to his old self. As far as anyone could tell, Gunter suffered no lasting ill-effects of having been assimilated into the Borg consciousness, and then removed.

"Oh, Majesty!" Gunter effused. "How wonderful and marvelous that you can accomplish so many varied tasks at the same time! Surely your loyal subjects will be awed when they set their eyes upon the royal visage of your Majesty, dutifully working for their benefit. It will assuredly move even the most hard-hearted of them to tears of gratitude!" Gunter paused to wipe tears of his own into his handkerchief.

"If they can even tell what the painting is supposed to be." Gwendel muttered under his breath.

Wolfram glared at his older brother for a moment, then went back to painting his masterpiece.

Gunter positioned himself to get a good view of the painting. "Oh Majesty," he began. "Wolfram, what are you painting? I don't think you are accurately capturing the magnificent essence of His Majesty."

"I'm an artist!" Wolfram snapped. "This is artistic expression! Don't question my methods! And the painting won't go any better with you breathing down my neck!"

Gunter backed up, but accidentally spilled one of Wolfram's paint tins.

Gwendel's eye twitched.

"Now look what you've done!" Exclaimed Wolfram, while throwing the painting onto a pile of paperwork. "I messed a brushstroke up, and it's all your fault!"

"If you had been competent at painting a magnificent portrait of His Majesty, none of this would have happened." Gunter protested.

A glob of paint dripped from Wolfram's canvas onto the Maou's paperwork below.

"Wolfram." Rumbled Gwendel. "Did you just ruin all of His Majesty's paperwork?"

"Gunter made me do it!" Wolfram whined.

Yuuri took advantage of the resulting mayhem to run off. As he exited the office he could hear Gwendel grumpily chastising Gunter and Wolfram.

"Both of you are responsible! Now clean up that mess!"

Yuuri decided to take advantage of an excellent opportunity for some free time and find his baseball buddy. Nothing sounded better right now than some baseball practice.

Except that Conrad wasn't anywhere to be found.

"Has anyone seen Conrad?" Yuuri asked.

But no one had seen Conrad. Not the maids, not even Yozak. Yuuri started to get worried.

Then Yuuri saw Murata walk up from Shinou's temple. He even had Shinou in miniature form sitting on his shoulder.

Yuuri ran up to his friend. "Hey Murata, have you seen Conrad?" Yuuri asked. "I can't seem to find him anywhere."

Murata's glasses gleamed in the sunlight, and he paused to adjust them dramatically. "I think something bad is about to happen, Shibuya. That is, if his royal miniature highness can manage to get over his hangover and explain to me what he was up to last night. And what exactly happened that he seems to think might be dangerous."

Shinou stood up shakily and vomited off the edge of Murata's shoulder.

"That's what you get for partying too hard." Murata scolded.

Shinou stuck his tongue out, but sat down again as another wave of dizziness overcame him.

"Hey, over here. I found something" Yozak yelled from the far side of the courtyard.

They rushed over to see what it was. Yuuri felt a cold prickling sensation in the middle of his stomach as he recognized something. It was Conrad's baseball mitt, carelessly discarded on the ground. But it was what was next to the mitt that made Yuuri pause in horror.

No Conrad. No arm even. All that was left was a small puddle of blood.

"This can't be good, Shibuya." Murata said ominously.

-o-o-o-o-

Conrad felt a dull pain where his left arm should have been. He managed to turn his head to the side and look. His arm was gone. All that was left was a bloody stump. That was a shame. He had gotten rather attached to the one that Shinou gave him. After all, it had belonged to one of his ancestors. It had been a family heirloom, or hand-me-down.

Conrad tried to think back to what had happened before he blacked out. Baseball. That was it. He had been going to play baseball, since he figured Yuuri would probably want to have some outside baseball practice time on such a nice day. And then he had heard a noise behind him, and felt a sharp pain in his arm before he had had time to turn around. Then nothing.

As Conrad continued to regain consciousness, he noticed that he was on a Borg ship. He thought back to his previous encounter with the Borg. They had been rather fun to slice up. Too bad he didn't have his sword with him.

"So, you're awake." A voice said to his left.

Conrad looked up and saw a really weird looking slimy version of the Borg. Except that she was obviously female. Weren't all Borg females supposed to be hot like Seven of nine? Conrad thought it was immensely disappointing that he hadn't been kidnapped by a more attractive villainess.

Before Conrad could think of a suitable response, another Borg approached the female, "Queen, we have been unable to locate the subject's severed arm."

The Borg Queen narrowed her eyes in displeasure. But she was pragmatic, and her displeasure did not last for long. "Very well." She said to the worker with a sigh of resignation. "I suppose it can't be helped. We'll just have to make due with the remnants located in the socket for now."

Conrad paid closer attention now. Obviously they were talking about him. Unless the Borg had someone else captive who also happened to have a missing severed arm, which was entirely possible, but highly unlikely. He thought about the implications of this new information. Would he ever be able to get his arm back? Where had it gone to? What was it doing? Would Yuuri find it? And, more importantly, what did the Borg want with his severed arm anyway?

"What do you want with my arm?" he asked.

The Borg turned and stared at him. It was unsettling the way that their machine-components clicked while the organic part remained silent. It was like the machine parts of their brain were thinking out loud or something.

"You'll find out eventually." The Borg Queen said with a toothy grin.

Conrad thought about this for a few minutes more.

"What do you want with me?" he asked at last.

"I have a proposition for you." Purred the Borg Queen while leaning in closer to Conrad's ear.

"No offense, but could you take a bath first?" asked Conrad. "Or at least find someone who isn't as slimey as you?"

"Not that kind of a proposition." The Borg Queen said. "I just want you to join us."

Conrad's eyes narrowed as he contemplated the Borg. These were the same beings that had tried to assimilate Gunter. As far as he could tell, they hadn't asked Gunter's permission before attempting to turn him into a Borg. Something had changed since then.

"Why are you asking me?" Conrad asked. "Couldn't you just force me to do what you want?"

The Borg Queen smiled again, and it was a predatory smile, showing all of her teeth. "We tried that before on your species, and it didn't go quite as expected. If you were willing to join us, it would make things so much easier."

"And if I'm not?" Conrad asked, wanting to know his complete range of options before making a life-changing decision.

The Borg Queen drew her lips into a light line around her teeth. "Then we'll still have our way with you. And we might just be angry enough to destroy a few cities on your home planet."

Conrad realized he would have to work with the Borg in order to keep Yuuri safe. "What do I have to do?" he asked. "Will you treat me like a freak since I'm half-human?"

"Of course not!" The Queen replied with indignation. "The origins of each specific carbon-based life-form from which all Borg originate hardly matters. We are all one, unified by our machine wrought perfection, and working towards the common goal of benefiting the hive. And in your case you are rather unique since your expression of hybrid vigor makes you an exemplatory specimen.

Conrad wasn't sure what all those big words meant, but he figured it was better than being called "Filthy human" or "Demon spawn". He decided to ask another question. "Will you expect me to fight all your wars for you?"

The Borg Queen smiled indulgently at the being that just didn't get it. "As a Borg, you will be connected to all the other Borg. You will all share duties, according to your specialties. As an individual, I'm sure it is a hard thing to imagine. It will be much easier to explain once you are one of us."

"Well, how do I start?" Conrad asked for lack of anything better to say.

The Borg Queen smirked. You don't have to do anything at first. My workers will handle the external changes. Then we can talk later about your place in the hive."

Conrad wondered if he had made a mistake as he was lowered onto a Borg operating table. Needles were shoved into his arms, and a blackish-gray substance began spreading throughout his veins. A Borg started working on his arm stump, and he gritted his teeth as he felt the dull pain of metal scraping against bone. Conrad wondered for yet another time what the Borg needed his arm for before drifting off into unconsciousness. At the very least, he hoped his actions would keep Yuuri safe.

***-*-*-* 8 hours later… *-*-*-***

Conrad groaned as he felt himself regaining consciousness for the second time that day. Except this time there was no pain in his left arm. Conrad looked down and saw his arm had been replaced by a mechanical one. One that appeared to have weapons built into it. He heard some chattering in his head, and then a voice commanded:

"Arise, Conrad of Borg."

Conrad sat up and wondered if this sci fi adventure could get any more hokey. A bunch of Borg soldiers came and saluted him.

Apparently, it could.

* * *

><p><strong>Author<strong>**'****s ****Notes:** Oh how evil to kidnap Conrad before he got a chance to play baseball! They should have at least let him get a game in first.

**Up ****Next:** **The ****crew ****of ****the ****Enterprise ****arrives ****to ****help!**


	3. Second Contact

**Chapter 3: Second Contact**

* * *

><p>Picard straightened his command shirt as he stared at the view screen.<p>

"Mr. Data, report."

"We appear to have passed into an alternate dimension, Captain. I am picking up ion trails from Borg ships, but they appear to be out of sensor range at the moment."

"Very good, Mr. Data. And the planet?" Picard asked.

"Sir, we are approaching a class M planet." Wesley piped up.

Picard frowned at the interruption, but let Wesley continue since it was relevant.

"They appear to be at a level of technology that would correspond to Earth's Middle Ages." Wesley continued.

Suddenly a red button on Data's board began beeping. "Sir, I am picking up a cluster of technological anachronisms on the planet surface. They appear to be clustered in one general location."

Picard leaned back in his chair and thought about this new development. Had the Borg left some of their technology behind?

"Geordi, can you obtain the exact coordinates of Mr. Data's anachronisms?"

"I'm on it now, Captain." Geordi replied.

"Excellent. Commander Riker, assemble a landing party and meet me in the transporter room in twenty minutes. Make sure all crew are briefed on first contact protocol."

"Sir, wouldn't that be second contact?" Riker pointed out. "Since they have already been in contact with the Borg, we will be the second space traveling aliens they've had contact with."

"Yes Will, but this will be their first contact with the Federation, and our first contact with them." Picard explained.

***-*-*-* 20 minutes later… *-*-*-***

Picard was met by Riker, Troi, Data, Wesley, Geordi, Worf, and Dr. Crusher in the transporter room.

He glared at Riker and cleared his throat. "Obviously, not all of you can go on the away team, since someone needs to command the ship while I'm gone. And we really don't want to scare the inhabitants of this planet by beaming done a whole bunch of people at once."

They all gave him puppy-dog eyes.

"Only Commander Riker, Deanna, and Data are coming with me. And that's final." Picard added before they could protest.

Then Picard and his three crew members stepped up onto the transporter platform.

"Energize." said Picard.

-ooo-ooo-

Anissina von Karbelnikoff stepped back and admired her newest invention. Yes, the Now-your-severed-arm-is-located-kun was a thing of splendor. It was designed to track down severed arms and the person who used to be attached to the arm.

"Anissina, untie me!" shouted Gwendel.

"But Gwendel, don't you want to find your brother?" Anissina retorted.

Gwendel had no reply to that. Of course he wanted to find his brother.

"Okay, let's get started." Anissina shouted happily while preparing to push a button.

She was interrupted by four shimmering things that buzzed and formed human shapes. Anissina was reminded of the Borg. Had they come back like Shinou said they would? If they had, they would have to face off against the Poison Lady!

She hastily grabbed an invention and snuck up behind the intruders.

"Captain, we have arrived at the most concentrated site of technological anachronisms. However, there is no sign of the Borg."

"Very well, Mr. Data, keep searching." The intruder known as 'Captain' said.

"Ha!" Anissina shouted as she whacked the intruder known as 'Captain' on the back of the head with one of her super-knock-out-kun automatic boxing gloves. "You'll never win against the Poison Lady, Borg!"

The intruder slumped to the floor.

"Captain!" Riker exclaimed.

Anissina looked as three…humanoids stared uneasily at her.

"We're not the Borg." Deanna said. "We're from the Federation."

"Uh, we come in peace." Riker added.

Anissina was not impressed.

"Could you take us to your leader?" Riker asked.

Deanna face palmed and wondered if Riker was trying to be funny with the clichés.

***-*-*-* 2 hours later… *-*-*-***

Gisela informed them that Captain Picard would be fine; he only had a slight concussion from Anissina's blow.

Gwendel had taken advantage of the opportunity to talk with Deanna, Will, and Data. After the customary clichéd cross-over introductions, they realized that they had a common enemy in the Borg, and in fact the Enterprise crew had arrived to try and get rid of the Borg cube. This then led to clichéd cross-over strategy planning session between Gwendel, Data, and Murata, and set the stage for other character interactions.

Yuuri told Riker about Conrad, how he had gone missing, and how he feared that the Borg might have been involved.

"He's my best friend here. He always plays baseball with me and goes on my morning run with me." Yuuri explained. "He's always running away or disappearing though." Yuuri cried tearfully.

Riker patted Yuuri's shoulder sympathetically. "I used to have a dog like that. One day he got hit by a car."

Yuuri wailed louder. Riker reflected that maybe telling the demon king about Fluffy wasn't a smart move.

"Wimp." Wolfram commented. "Conrad always ends up coming back. I think brother just likes to make us worry. Not that I would ever worry about a half-human."

"You treat your brother differently because he is half-human?" Deanna asked, horrified.

Wolfram tried to hide his embarrassment. "Why not?" he asked arrogantly.

Deanna gave Wolfram a sympathetic look. Then she smiled. "I guess it's just hard for me to imagine since I didn't grow up in your culture. And I'm half-human too."

Wolfram stared at her. "I thought you were all humans." He said awkwardly.

Deanna laughed. "No, I'm half-Betazoid."

Wolfram stared some more. "Do the humans mistrust you for only being half-human?" he blurted out.

"No, usually people respect me for who I am. Sometimes though, humans will treat me differently. It's usually because they are frightened though. Since I'm half-Betazoid I can sense emotions. This makes some people uncomfortable."

Wolfram gulped surreptitiously, and decided to avoid Deanna as much as possible.

The cute cross-over character bonding moment was interrupted when Murata came running.

The Borg had returned, and could be seen in the sky with the aid of Anissina's now-you-can-see-the-stars-kun.

"Sir, we have to get back to the ship and fight off the Borg." Riker said.

"We'll come with you." Gwendel said.

"No offense, but you don't know how to operate a spaceship." Riker said. "Maybe it would be best if you stayed here in case the Borg decide to launch a planet side attack."

"But you have to take us with you." Yuuri pleaded. "We need to find Conrad."

"Shibuya is right." Murata said with a gleam of his glasses. "You may be familiar with the Borg of your dimension, but these Borg might have changed after their interaction with the Mazoku. It makes more sense to take us with you."

Riker sighed, but gave in to Murata's request.

-ooo-ooo-

Deanna, Will, Data, Gwendel, Murata, Yuuri, and Anissina entered the Enterprise bridge. Captain Picard also entered, taking care to avoid Anissina.

"Mr. LaForge, report." Picard said as he sat down in his command chair.

"Sir, we are tracking the Borg vessel." Geordi said. "It is visible on the view screen and approaching now."

Just then a beeping was heard from Data's station. "Sir, the Borg are attempting to communicate with us." Data said.

"Put them on visual." Picard commanded tensely.

The view screen flickered as the customary outside window-like view was replaced by that of the interior of the Borg ship.

They could make out two dark figures. "Prepare to be assimilated." one of them said. Then she stepped forward into the light.

Picard swore softly and narrowed his eyes. "So they have a Borg queen with them." he said.

Then the other figure stepped forward into the light, and everyone gasped in shock…

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: OOOHHH, Cliffhanger!<strong>

**Up Next: Who is the mysterious figure on the Borg ship? What will happen when the Enterprise crew and the Mazoku go up against the Borg? Will Yuuri be able to save Conrad? Find out next!**


	4. Armed and Dangerous

**Chapter 4: Armed and Dangerous**

* * *

><p>Yuuri continued to stare at the view screen. The two beings stared back emotionlessly at him. Their skin was a deathly gray hue, and one eye was overlapped by an eyepiece with a glowing red light. They were clothed in matching black leather one-pieces. Tubes and wires enveloped their bodies in a way that would make Anissina envious. The only sound came from the slight mechanical clicking of one of the Borg's weapon arms. One was obviously female, and a Borg Queen. The other one was…<p>

Gwendel gasped in surprise. "No, it can't be." he said.

Behind all the Borg implants and improvements was a man Yuuri recognized as Conrad Weller. "Conrad…" Yuuri said, as he started to feel sick to his stomach. Dark thoughts raced through Yuuri's mind. Could Conrad have betrayed him again? Was it for real this time? Would they have to fight against him?

"Resistance is futile." the Borg Queen said. "Prepare for-"

Then the view screen suddenly became full of static before going out entirely.

"Mr. Data," Picard snapped, "What happened to our view screen?"

"Oops!" Anissina said happily while looking up from a work station that she had taken apart, "I guess these wires were connected to something important after all."

"Anissina…" Gwendel said with a twitch of his eyebrow.

"Don't worry, Gwendel." Anissina said. "I'll put it back together as soon as I figure out how it works."

"That won't be necessary." Picard said hastily. "Mr. LaForge will make repairs later. Please don't touch anything else."

"How am I supposed to learn about advanced technology if I can't take it apart to see how it works?" Anissina complained.

"Maybe it's better if you don't learn." Murata said.

Before Anissina could ask what Murata meant, a humming sound was heard and a shimmering of air was seen in the middle of the bridge. The Borg Queen, Conrad, and several dozen Borg soldiers materialized out of thin air.

"Red alert!" Riker shouted. "All ship personal prepare for combat! We have been boarded by the Borg!"

"Conrad!" Yuuri shouted. But the Borg that used to be Conrad did not even respond.

Picard took his shirt and ripped it off, revealing a tank top and impressive arm muscles underneath. He was surprisingly buff for his age.

"If I looked like that, I'd wear a tank top all the time." Riker said enviously.

Then Picard grabbed a Tommy gun from a replicator on the wall and held it up. "BORG!" Picard shouted. "You'll never assimilate anyone on this ship again!"

Picard began shooting. Five of the Borg soldiers slumped to the floor. Then they adapted, and the remaining bullets bounced off the invisible shielding around the Borg.

"It's no use, Captain." Deanna said, "They've adapted already."

"Then we'll just have to try something else." Picard said stubbornly. "Ensign Crusher, do you have any small scale weapons to use against the Borg?"

"I'll check, Captain." Wesley said as he headed for his station.

"Make it so." Picard said. "Mr. Worf, perhaps you, I, Mr. Data, and Mr. Riker should engage the Borg in hand to hand combat."

"An excellent suggestion." said Worf.

Picard, Riker, Worf, and Data fought valiantly. Gwendel joined in the fight too. Even Yuuri, Wolfram, Murata, and Anissina worked together to trip up and tie up a few Borg soldiers with the wires Anissina had found in the work station. But it was no use. The Borg learned quickly, and there were too many of them.

Picard, Riker, Worf, Data, Gwendel, Anissina, Murata, Yuuri, and Wolfram were forced to stop fighting when they found Borg weapons pointed at their heads.

"Well, well, Jean Luc." the Borg Queen said. "Or should I say…Locutious? It looks like I've won again."

Picard gasped. "How do you know about that?" he asked.

"When I was connected to the collective, I downloaded all the memories of past Borg queens. I don't really need you anymore. I have a replacement now." the Borg Queen said while indicating Conrad.

Picard gritted his teeth. "I won't let you get away with this." he said.

"I don't think you have a choice." the Borg Queen said with a smirk. Then she turned to Conrad. "These humans have been too much trouble. I really think it would be better if they were killed off rather than assimilated. You know what to do."

Conrad turned his weapon towards the Enterprise crew. Yuuri gasped. Where they really about to die, killed by Conrad's Borg weapon arm?

Conrad swung his weapon arm around and plunged it into the Borg Queen's abdomen. She staggered and fell to the floor. Then Conrad used the weapon arm to shoot up the remaining Borg soldiers.

The Borg Queen looked up at Conrad, "Why…" she gasped as blood trickled out the side of her mouth.

"I was protecting someone important to me." Conrad answered. Then he decided to decapitate the Borg Queen as well and put an end to the conversation.

Yuuri felt his heart pound as realized something. Could it be? Maybe Conrad only joined the Borg in order to infiltrate their ranks and protect everyone!

"This plot seems strangely familiar." Picard noted.

"I agree." said Murata.

Conrad stood in the middle of the decimated Borg bodies for a few minutes before collapsing from exhaustion.

"Conrad!" Yuuri shouted as he ran over to try and help his friend. Conrad had risked his life again, just to protect them all! Yuuri looked at the wires running over Conrad's body and wondered if he would be okay. He wondered if maybe some of the Borg blood that was strewn all over the floor was Conrad's. "Don't die Conrad." he pleaded.

"Don't worry," Riker said. "I'm sure Dr. Crusher will be able to get him back to normal."

***-*-*-* 4 hours later… *-*-*-***

Dr. Beverly Crusher stepped out of sickbay after several long hours of surgery.

"Is Conrad going to be ok?" Yuuri asked worriedly.

"Yes," Beverly said with a smile, "I was able to remove all the Borg implants without any problems."

Yuuri was too happy and relieved to say anything.

"However, there are a few things I think you should know." Dr. Crusher said.

"Like what?" Yuuri asked, wondering what might be wrong and hoping that Conrad would be ok.

"Well, first of all, we can't find his left arm. The Borg weapon arm he was given was entirely mechanical, there is no biological arm underneath."

Yuuri scratched his head. At least a one-armed Conrad was better than no Conrad.

"That's not really a problem though," Beverly said. "As far as we can tell he has an unusually large number of undifferentiated stem cells in his left shoulder, and he may even end up growing a new arm."

"That's good." Yuuri said, while feeling kind of confused.

"There's something else." Beverly said solemnly.

"What?" Yuuri asked.

"Conrad is pregnant."

"WHAT!" Yuuri shouted in disbelief.

"Apparently the Borg queen had a mutation that made her unable to lay viable eggs (1). In other words, she can't insert RNA correctly into the eggs, which means that-"

"They egg-sploded." a voice from sickbay called out.

Yuuri groaned, but felt a wave of relief since he figured that Conrad was probably going to be okay if he felt well enough to make horrible puns.

"Anyway," Dr. Beverly Crusher continued with a slight frown at the interruption, "A Borg queen is very important to the colony since she is responsible for providing the genetic material and egg receptacles for the Borg that are born within a colony instead of assimilated into the collective. Since the Borg queen couldn't make her own eggs, she had to search for a suitable replacement. And she couldn't just pick anyone with viable eggs or egg material; she had to find an adequate specimen. The Borg used the stem cells in the base of Conrad's arm to make some embryos that they then added genetic material from all the Borg workers to ensure some level of genetic diversity, but they really are all kind of like Conrad's clones since his super ninja transposons inserted dominant Weller genes into all of the new chromosomes. And Conrad exhibits classical hybrid vigor already (being a cross of two separate inbred lines), so the whole thing might have been Shinou's plan all along since making a bunch of semi-clones out of Conrad was a lot easier than going through the long route to make a hybrid again. Never mind that species from different planets and have different blood structures and mitochondria would probably never be able to cross in real life," Beverly continued, "We're from the 24th century and we do this kind of stuff all the time."

But to make a long story short, all this meant is that Conrad now had a bunch of eggs sloshing around in his abdominal cavity. And in short time the tumor-like structure that was attached to his adrenal gland would rupture and he would give birth to 20 Wellers. Well, actually, he would lay leathery eggs, and then the eggs would absorb water and nutrients from their environment and grow some more before hatching.

"That's good news, isn't it?" Riker asked enthusiastically while clapping Yuuri on the back. "It'll be like getting a bunch of puppies. I'm sure at least one of them will stay at the castle with you."

Yuuri tried to imagine twenty mini Conrads running around the castle. Life would certainly never be boring again.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: Thanks to Yumi-chan Hamano for all the reviews! I really appreciate it.<strong>

**The next chapter contains mpreg parody. **

**Up next: What would it be like having a pregnant Conrad in the castle? Will Wolfram and Yuuri end up having a child of their own too? **

**(1) This is an actual spontaneous mutation, LOL. If the female can't insert maternal RNA properly into the eggs, they explode, or egg-splode.**


	5. Where No Arm Has Gone Before

**Warning: Mpreg**

**Chapter 5: Where No Arm Has Gone Before**

* * *

><p>After making sure that every single one of the Borg were in fact dead now, the Enterprise crew prepared to travel back to their own dimension.<p>

"Thank you for your help" Yuuri said as they all walked towards the transporter room.

"You're welcome." Picard said.

Then they all stepped up to the transporter platform, except for Anissina.

"Anissina," Murata said as Anissina approached the transporter controls. "I don't think you should touch that."

Anissina looked slightly unhappy for a few seconds until she realized that even if she couldn't take things apart, at least she could work on recreating the technology in her own way when she returned to her lab. She was a brilliant inventor after all.

"Energize." said Picard. And then Anissina, Murata, Yuuri, Wolfram, Gwendel, and Conrad all beamed back to Shin Makoku.

***-*-*-* The Next Day on the Enterprise… *-*-*-***

"Hey Geordi," Will said, "Where did you hide that tribble?"

"I thought you had it." Geordi answered.

"Oh man." Will said with a groan. How were they ever going to film _Tribbles on a Spaceship_ starring Worf?

Suddenly they heard a scream coming from down the hall. "I think Worf found our missing tribble." Riker said.

They ran over to where they had heard the screams. They found a whole pile of furry trilling tribbles.

"Will," Geordi said, "There's hundreds of them."

"Yeah, and they look kind of weird." Riker added. He picked one up to examine it. "Geordi, they have a tiny arm coming out of their back!"

The mystery of Conrad's missing arm had been partially solved, although they never did end up finding it.

"Well," Riker said with a serious expression. "I think Conrad's arm ended up going where no arm has gone before."

***-*-*-* Back in Shin Makoku… *-*-*-***

Yuuri was slightly worried about returning to Shin Makoku with a pregnant Conrad. How would everyone react?

Celi, of course was extremely happy at the thought of grandchildren. And so many grandchildren all at once.

Anissina wanted to run experiments and find out how the Borg had managed to implant a bunch of eggs inside Conrad, but Gisela wouldn't let her.

Gwendel didn't say anything, but spent his time industriously knitting misshapen monstrosities that were supposed to be baby clothes and blankets.

Conrad's stomach continued to grow. His left arm grew back too, much to everyone's relief.

When Yuuri played catch with Conrad, it just wasn't the same. He would feel his eyes drawn towards Conrad's midsection, which had started to hang out over his belt.

"Are you sure you're okay Conrad?" Yuuri asked as they played baseball.

"I'm fine, your Majesty." Conrad answered with a smile.

-ooo-ooo-

As time went on, Conrad waddled around the castle, with his large bulging stomach hanging out. Yes, waddled.

He waddled around during training practice with his soldiers. He waddled through the castle hallways as he followed Yuuri around. And then he waddled over to the kitchen when he got a craving for some earth food, such as boudin, maque choux, and cracklins topped with pecan pralines. And then he threw a hormone-induced hissy fit when the maids wouldn't make him any Cajun food.

"It's not my fault, Lord Weller." Effie said piteously as a tear glistened on the corner of her eye. "We just don't have those things here."

This caused Conrad to become moody, and then he stomped off to find Yozak, so he could whine to him about how much he hated his life in Shin Makoku, and wished he had stayed on Earth. At least there, the food was good most of the time.

Yozak just laughed at him since he thought this whole pregnant Conrad incident was hysterically funny. So Conrad pulled out his sword and knocked Yozak out of a castle window. Fortunately Yozak landed in a flower bed, so he wasn't too badly injured.

"Lord Weller!" scolded Gisela who just happened to be walking past at the moment. "You shouldn't strain yourself so much, you might injure one of the children!"

And then Conrad said "I've had enough of this OOC pregnancy crap." and he pooped out the eggs and placed them all in Yuuri's Royal Bedroom so they could get the best angles of sun in the morning time.

When Yuuri first saw the leathery eggs, he was excited. "They look like alligator eggs." he said.

But later, when some of the developing Wellers made scratching sounds during the night, Yuuri wasn't so thrilled. "I can't sleep with all these eggs in here." Yuuri complained.

"Wimp." Wolfram commented. Wolfram didn't mind the noises that the eggs made since he could sleep through just about anything, including accidentally knocking Yuuri out of the bed.

Celi, overexcited by the prospect of so many grandchildren, picked up one of the eggs and waltzed around the castle with it. And then she accidentally dropped the egg off of a balcony and it fell towards the ground! "Oops! Clumsy me." She laughed. "At least there are 19 more!"

Fortunately, Gwendel happened to be walking through the gardens at the time, and caught the egg just before it hit the ground.

-ooo-ooo-

The first egg started to hatch. They all held their breath, hoping that what Dr. Crusher had said was true.

Then they heard a gurgling sound. Gwendel's eye twitched and he bent over to pick the infant out of the shell remnants.

What are you going to name him, Conrad?" Yuuri asked.

"Craig." Conrad replied with a happy smile.

Murata groaned and face palmed.

Yuuri wondered what was so bad about the name Craig. Conrad had given him his name after all, and that had turned out fine, except for the fact that his name was easily made into a pun. Wait, was that it? Could Conrad be planning to give all of his offspring puntastic names? It was a thought too horrible to contemplate. But could Craig be made into a pun? Did it rhyme with anything? Yuuri thought for a while. As if on cue, a chorus of imaginary schoolchildren started chanting in Yuuri's head "Craig, Craig, he hatched from an egg!" Yuuri groaned.

"Ohh, I want to hold my grandchild!" Celi exclaimed.

Gwendel held Craig closer protectively. "Mother, you almost dropped him to his death just a few minutes ago."

"Gwennie, you're so mean." Celi pouted.

After Conrad had named his children Greg, Meg, Matt, Eileen, Shirley and John, Yuuri decided to put his foot down before Conrad could name his daughter a name that rhymed with 'bird'.

"Conrad Weller! I refuse to allow you to give your daughter that name." Yuuri insisted.

Conrad gave Yuuri a look.

Yozak laughed. "It's pretty appropriate when you consider where they came from."

"That's disgusting!" Wolfram said.

"You've already named seven of your children. Maybe you should let someone else name a few of them." Yuuri said.

"Yeah, like me!" Wolfram cut in. "I'm good at coming up with names."

The argument was interrupted as another egg hatched. The infant had slightly darker brown hair than the others. As she opened her eyes, Wolfram gasped.

"Yuuri, she's our psychic love child." Wolfram said in awe.

And indeed, the infant had striking emerald-green eyes paired with her curly dark brown hair.

Wolfram picked her up. "She must have responded to the love present in our bedroom and ended up looking like us." Wolfram hypothesized.

If Wolfram had studied genetics, he would have realized that any child between him and Yuuri (if such a thing had even been biologically possible) would have had dark hair and black eyes. Or maybe brown eyes. Unless Miko Shibuya happened to have some unusual recessive genes in her family, Yuuri's chances of fathering a green-eyed child were approximately zero.

And so Wolfram and Yuuri ended up adopting the green-eyed and dark-haired child. And they named her Kameko Amethyst von Blielfeld - Shibuya. Later on in her life Kameko became the most devastatingly beautiful and feared Mary-Sue creature the kingdom had ever known. But in the meantime, Greta was over-joyed to have so many new cousins and a sister too!

-ooo-ooo-

Over the course of the day, the remaining eggs hatched. Conrad ended up with 19 offspring total, since Kameko had been officially adopted by Wolfram and Yuuri and wasn't considered a Weller anymore. All had brown hair, brown eyes, and looked exactly like Conrad. And they all had puntastic names.

"You could have your own baseball team, Conrad." Yuuri said. "Two baseball teams if you wanted."

Conrad just smiled at Yuuri. "Of course, your Majesty."

"My name is Yuuri, Conrad!"

"_Yuuri,_ you should practice more if you ever want to win a baseball game again." Conrad said with a slight smirk.

Yuuri imagined playing a baseball game against a whole team of Conrads. He was doomed.

_**The End**_


End file.
